Red Baron pizza (yeah, the frozen stuff)

Mmm, frozen pizza from a box! Ok, it's not so great, but it works in a pinch.

When you go to the grocery store in the evening and are hungry before you even get in the truck to leave, you just might find a frozen pizza or two in your cart. Like Red Baron's Supreme or Super Deluxe or Simple Deluxe or Supremely Deluxe. You get what I mean.

If that happens, this is what you do:

Once the first person is in the apartment with the first load of grocery bags, that person (usually me, with the lightest load) has to crank up the oven to 450°F. And find a round baking sheet and throw it in the oven -- don't bother with the fancy stone, it takes too long -- just get a sheet in there. Both of you drag in the rest of your groceries while the oven and sheet preheats.

After everything is in the apartment and perishables are put away, get one of the pizzas out of it's wrappings and throw it on the hot baking sheet. Set the timer for the minimum baking time, 19 minutes. Put the rest of the groceries away, even the second pizza...put that baby in the freezer -- don't let it thaw out at all or it'll cook funny. You should have enough time to toss old wrinkly dried up food stuff into the worm food bin and figure out how the hell you're going to organize your refrigerator to accomodate 4 whole chickens. Or something like that.

Sit down, smoke a cigarette while discussing silently with yourself how you must be a lunatic to buy 4 whole chickens just because they're on sale. Don't even go there about how you should be more organized so you can avoid the frozen pizzas. Just quit it if you even start to go there.  Everything is rolling along nicely, don't ruin the mood.

Bib-beep! Bib-beep! Check your pizza. Set another minute on the timer since the cheese isn't quite as gooey as you like it. Get a cutting board and pizza cutter out. And two plates. And a couple napkins.

Bib-beep! Bib-beep! Take the pizza out. Let stand one minute, to let the crust get crispy for certain and the gooey cheese cool. Transferring it immediately to the cutting board means the crust may get slightly soggy. Trust me. I've done this before. While waiting, get the second pizza out of the freezer and it's box and plastic wrapping.

Hot pizza, waiting for transfer to cutting board.

Transfer hot pizza to cutting board. Immediately place second pizza on the still-hot baking sheet and put it in the oven for 20 minutes.

Cut finished pizza into 8 slices, no need to be cautious about even slices -- there's another pie in the oven and folks are hungry.

Eat.

After a slice or two, double check that all groceries are put away. Put those four chickens in the fridge. Relax. Wonder why you bought two pizzas because now you're full. When it's done, eat another hot slice fresh from the oven anyway. The rest will be handy as a cold, though not the best, breakfast to eat on the 405.

Dinner for two, breakfast for one: $9.

Having dinner done, groceries put away and a fantastic food plan for the week in the works: priceless.

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